Bad news bears

My HSG appointment was earlier today. It was a rough one.

The doctor went over the results of the test afterward and he basically laid out that our chances of conceiving were not very good. Even worse, the chance that if we WERE able to conceive, there is about a 50/50 chance it would be an ectopic (aka tubal) pregnancy. Basically, one fallopian tube is "irreparably damaged" and the other is kinda deformed. (Salpingitis isthmica nodosa, that's the clinical term for what is going on with my right fallopian tube.) He said he would suggest we not try naturally conceiving as it would be high risk for ectopic pregnancy. He suggested we go straight to IVF... which, for those who have not been "fortunate" enough to experience the crap-hole of infertility, is about a $15,000 procedure with a 60% success rate.

I feel so defeated.

I called J as soon as I got to the car and I basically broke down. I told him it was bad news, but I didn't mention the specifics. I told him we'd discuss tonight. I could hear the mixture of sorrow and pity in his voice and it crushed me. I feel like a failure. I feel broken... in so many ways. I feel hollow. And I feel confused... shocked. I'm still wearing my hospital bracelet. I need it to remind me that this is real life and this really just happened.

All I've ever wanted was to be a mother and nurture life and build a family. It's absolutely gut-wrenching to feel like I may never obtain that now.

I don't know where to go from here...
We could really use your prayers in this difficult time.

Until next time...

Waiting

*deep breath*

Okay. I finished my Clomid. Now, I'm waiting for the HSG to be performed on Wednesday. I've been doing some research on what it is and how it's performed. In my research, I happened upon a positive side effect of the procedure... Apparently, it can greatly increase the likelihood of conception. Not sure how or why, but so many people on the message board say that they tried for 2 or 3 years before getting an HSG and then, BAM!, pregnant. I hope so! Gosh, do I hope! That would be so wonderful.

Anyhow, the Clomid was fine. No real issues. I did notice that last day some heightened emotions (i.e. choking up at a random TV show), but nothing more than that.

That's about all for now... I'm just waiting. Story of my friggin' life!

Until next time...

Better late than never

So, it's day 22 in my cycle and my cycle typically lasts 30-31 days total. Ever since I have stated charting BBT, CM, and taking ovulation tests, my ovulation day has always fallen around day 17 or 18. So when I started testing on day 13 this month and the positive wasn't coming, I started to become concerned thinking my body was skipping a month. Most of the time, they tell you to stop testing after so many consecutive negatives, but I persisted. So this morning, I FINALLY had my positive... a beautiful little smiley face. I think my ovulation was most likely delayed due to the sudden increase in my activity level. With remodeling... some days are quite an intense workout!

So now it's GO time. Perfect timing since the hubs and I were already planning a little date night of sorts tonight. I'm nervous though because J said this morning he wasn't feeling too well because of his allergies. Some allergy meds he takes can completely kill his libido or make it to where he is unable to show up for "the grand finale". And we kinda need that for everything to go according to plan!

We'll see. I'm hoping things pan out, but... time will tell, right?

If we were pregnant this cycle, according to Baby Center, my due date would be April 22nd. I think that sounds like a great time to have a little one! An Easter baby! Easter is April 16th!  I'm so ready. So so so ready!