Raw nerves

So, I was right. AF came on Tuesday afternoon/evening. I was kind of bummed about it.

Just yesterday, I was chatting with a co-worker over coffee at Barnes and Noble when she mentioned that she'd been pregnant a few years ago and miscarried at 5 months. I was so sad for her. I confessed to her that hubby and I have been TTC for just under 2 years now to no avail.

I've been really cranky the last few weeks and I realized that might be why. I started crying and had to choke back the tears. There was a nerve that had definitely been struck. I felt raw and exposed.

Anyhow, I think I have decided to seek counseling. That made me realize how much of this stuff I'm not processing through and it's really beginning to get the best of me. I just reached out to a counselor to start seeking services. I wish they had counselors that specialized in fertility kind of issues.

This TTC thing is terribly alienating. I feel like I have to keep it all to myself and that sucks. My husband is super supportive, but it's still hard to even talk to him about it because I don't want it to come off as blaming or guilting him or anything. Even my sister who had her own issues with getting pregnant doesn't really seem to "get" where I am coming from. It's very hard.

I guess I really do just need someone to talk to and work through this crap with...