My HSG appointment was earlier today. It was a rough one.
The doctor went over the results of the test afterward and he basically laid out that our chances of conceiving were not very good. Even worse, the chance that if we WERE able to conceive, there is about a 50/50 chance it would be an ectopic (aka tubal) pregnancy. Basically, one fallopian tube is "irreparably damaged" and the other is kinda deformed. (Salpingitis isthmica nodosa, that's the clinical term for what is going on with my right fallopian tube.) He said he would suggest we not try naturally conceiving as it would be high risk for ectopic pregnancy. He suggested we go straight to IVF... which, for those who have not been "fortunate" enough to experience the crap-hole of infertility, is about a $15,000 procedure with a 60% success rate.
I feel so defeated.
I called J as soon as I got to the car and I basically broke down. I told him it was bad news, but I didn't mention the specifics. I told him we'd discuss tonight. I could hear the mixture of sorrow and pity in his voice and it crushed me. I feel like a failure. I feel broken... in so many ways. I feel hollow. And I feel confused... shocked. I'm still wearing my hospital bracelet. I need it to remind me that this is real life and this really just happened.
All I've ever wanted was to be a mother and nurture life and build a family. It's absolutely gut-wrenching to feel like I may never obtain that now.
I don't know where to go from here...
We could really use your prayers in this difficult time.
Until next time...
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Monday, September 26, 2016
Waiting
*deep breath*
Okay. I finished my Clomid. Now, I'm waiting for the HSG to be performed on Wednesday. I've been doing some research on what it is and how it's performed. In my research, I happened upon a positive side effect of the procedure... Apparently, it can greatly increase the likelihood of conception. Not sure how or why, but so many people on the message board say that they tried for 2 or 3 years before getting an HSG and then, BAM!, pregnant. I hope so! Gosh, do I hope! That would be so wonderful.
Anyhow, the Clomid was fine. No real issues. I did notice that last day some heightened emotions (i.e. choking up at a random TV show), but nothing more than that.
That's about all for now... I'm just waiting. Story of my friggin' life!
Until next time...
Okay. I finished my Clomid. Now, I'm waiting for the HSG to be performed on Wednesday. I've been doing some research on what it is and how it's performed. In my research, I happened upon a positive side effect of the procedure... Apparently, it can greatly increase the likelihood of conception. Not sure how or why, but so many people on the message board say that they tried for 2 or 3 years before getting an HSG and then, BAM!, pregnant. I hope so! Gosh, do I hope! That would be so wonderful.
Anyhow, the Clomid was fine. No real issues. I did notice that last day some heightened emotions (i.e. choking up at a random TV show), but nothing more than that.
That's about all for now... I'm just waiting. Story of my friggin' life!
Until next time...
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Phase 2.
Last week I went for the first round of bloodwork. They looked at my insulin, A1C hemoglobin, and all of that type of stuff. Everything came back normal. The doctor believes that I have a slight resistance to insulin so I will start on Metformin to help with that the beginning of October.
In the meantime, I started my cycle and notified the doc. The office scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound to check my ovaries, uterus, and related lady parts. So, that was today. It wasn't that bad. The worst part was when she was trying to get a look at my ovaries. My left one was not cooperating and she had great difficulty looking at it in the ultrasound. She was probing me with that freaking wand and it was painful!
After, I finished with the ultrasound, the doctor did an exam and went over the ultrasound pics with me. He told me that (due to my weight) it was difficult to get great detail on the pics to determine egg count but he could get a pretty good idea by testing some hormones and they'll recheck my eggs as I get closer to ovulation and they grow. So far everything else has come back normal. (Thank you, Jesus!)
J still has to get his test done and I'm starting to wonder if the problem isn't with him after all. I haven't yet vocalized my concerns to him. I don't want this to become a blame game because we are a team in this. So, we're just waiting to see.
Anyhow, the doctor did prescribe me Clomid in addition to the Metformin. I am supposed to start today. I am excited, but a little nervous. The Clomid is supposed to help with consistent ovulation and also is supposed to encourage multiple eggs to release, thus increasing the likelihood of conception. I'm excited because I feel hopeful it could help, but I'm nervous because I've heard these hormones can really screw with your emotions and such.
The plan is for me to take the Clomid the next 5 days or so. Then, next Wednesday, I go for the "HSG" which is where they'll inject dye into my uterus and take an x-ray to find out if my fallopian tubes have any obstructions. The following day, I'll start with the ovulation prediction kits and monitor for an LH surge.
So, that's where we stand... I'm feeling more encouraged than I have felt in a while. I'm starting to think this could really happen... FINALLY. I love the people at the clinic say, "When you get pregnant..." that helps me to also feel more optimistic about this process.
After today, I am mentally preparing myself for the physical pain that may accompany this process. The doctor warned me the next procedure can be a little painful so they're prescribing me prescription strength ibuprofen to take 30 minutes before the procedure. (Eek!) But no pain, no gain, right?
Until next time...
In the meantime, I started my cycle and notified the doc. The office scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound to check my ovaries, uterus, and related lady parts. So, that was today. It wasn't that bad. The worst part was when she was trying to get a look at my ovaries. My left one was not cooperating and she had great difficulty looking at it in the ultrasound. She was probing me with that freaking wand and it was painful!
After, I finished with the ultrasound, the doctor did an exam and went over the ultrasound pics with me. He told me that (due to my weight) it was difficult to get great detail on the pics to determine egg count but he could get a pretty good idea by testing some hormones and they'll recheck my eggs as I get closer to ovulation and they grow. So far everything else has come back normal. (Thank you, Jesus!)
J still has to get his test done and I'm starting to wonder if the problem isn't with him after all. I haven't yet vocalized my concerns to him. I don't want this to become a blame game because we are a team in this. So, we're just waiting to see.
Anyhow, the doctor did prescribe me Clomid in addition to the Metformin. I am supposed to start today. I am excited, but a little nervous. The Clomid is supposed to help with consistent ovulation and also is supposed to encourage multiple eggs to release, thus increasing the likelihood of conception. I'm excited because I feel hopeful it could help, but I'm nervous because I've heard these hormones can really screw with your emotions and such.
The plan is for me to take the Clomid the next 5 days or so. Then, next Wednesday, I go for the "HSG" which is where they'll inject dye into my uterus and take an x-ray to find out if my fallopian tubes have any obstructions. The following day, I'll start with the ovulation prediction kits and monitor for an LH surge.
So, that's where we stand... I'm feeling more encouraged than I have felt in a while. I'm starting to think this could really happen... FINALLY. I love the people at the clinic say, "When you get pregnant..." that helps me to also feel more optimistic about this process.
After today, I am mentally preparing myself for the physical pain that may accompany this process. The doctor warned me the next procedure can be a little painful so they're prescribing me prescription strength ibuprofen to take 30 minutes before the procedure. (Eek!) But no pain, no gain, right?
Until next time...
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Doctor's orders
My appointment with the fertility doctor was yesterday. It was relatively painless... :)
He ordered blood work for me and a semen analysis for J. He said because I'm overweight, he just wants to check some additional hormones, my insulin levels, and blood sugar levels. So, I'm going in for a fasting blood test this morning. Even though, my blood sugar and all of that has never been a problem before, I admit I am a little nervous that it may come back poorly. We'll see... The doctor said I don't have a lot of the symptoms associated with being overweight, but he wants to verify that it's not lurking underneath the surface, so to speak. They are doing a "rush" on the blood work so if there is anything off or any concerns, they'll know and I should hear something tomorrow or Monday. So, at least, I won't have to wait forever to find out.
They also told me that since my period is due any day, I will need to call the clinic and go in while I am still bleeding so they can do an ultrasound and monitor my egg count. They'll also do an X-ray to see if my fallopian tubes are blocked. Once, they get the results of those initial test, we'll move forward.
Anyhow, for the first time, I felt really validated in my concerns. He gave us so much information and was so extremely helpful and very kind. Even with the issue of my weight, he was very tactful and not shaming like some doctors are. He did say that even though he doesn't think the weight is the real issue, he suggests I try to lose a few pounds just to make the pregnancy easier on my body.
So, I plan to go join a gym up the road and also really give my eating habits some attention.
That's that. I hope to have more direction and answers by the end of next week, but I definitely feel like we're taking steps in the right direction. I'm hopeful that we can get the answers and (MAYBE) get a positive pregnancy test by Christmas. Fingers crossed.
Until next time...
He ordered blood work for me and a semen analysis for J. He said because I'm overweight, he just wants to check some additional hormones, my insulin levels, and blood sugar levels. So, I'm going in for a fasting blood test this morning. Even though, my blood sugar and all of that has never been a problem before, I admit I am a little nervous that it may come back poorly. We'll see... The doctor said I don't have a lot of the symptoms associated with being overweight, but he wants to verify that it's not lurking underneath the surface, so to speak. They are doing a "rush" on the blood work so if there is anything off or any concerns, they'll know and I should hear something tomorrow or Monday. So, at least, I won't have to wait forever to find out.
They also told me that since my period is due any day, I will need to call the clinic and go in while I am still bleeding so they can do an ultrasound and monitor my egg count. They'll also do an X-ray to see if my fallopian tubes are blocked. Once, they get the results of those initial test, we'll move forward.
Anyhow, for the first time, I felt really validated in my concerns. He gave us so much information and was so extremely helpful and very kind. Even with the issue of my weight, he was very tactful and not shaming like some doctors are. He did say that even though he doesn't think the weight is the real issue, he suggests I try to lose a few pounds just to make the pregnancy easier on my body.
So, I plan to go join a gym up the road and also really give my eating habits some attention.
That's that. I hope to have more direction and answers by the end of next week, but I definitely feel like we're taking steps in the right direction. I'm hopeful that we can get the answers and (MAYBE) get a positive pregnancy test by Christmas. Fingers crossed.
Until next time...
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Time to bring in the reinforcements...
No baby yet. It's been pretty disheartening, to say the least. I feel like a broken record with all of this...
This month makes 2 years of going through this process and I am beginning to lose hope. After last month, when I thought we did everything right and STILL no baby... I decided to go ahead and schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist. The appointment is later today.
I am feeling nervous, excited, hopeful, and yet I'm mentally preparing myself for another disappointment. I've heard tremendous things about the doctor we're going to see so I'm praying that he is able to provide some answers for us or at least give us some direction in this process.
To make things worse, I just left a client's home and there was a relative there who was obviously nearing the end of her pregnancy and she was toking away on her cigarette while I was there. It made me so annoyed and angry. Like... this person can get pregnant? But I can't?! Yeah... It's crazy to me how this world works sometimes.
Anyhow, J is coming with me to the appointment and I am very grateful that he is taking the time off of work to be there to provide some support and also seek some answers. One thing I am very thankful for, is that the nightmare of this "TTC journey" has not ruined us. There have been some stressful points, but, overall, we have really only become stronger as a result of this crap. So, that is something that gives me some faith and hope.
...In other news, J's parents have come down to help us with the house a couple of weekends last month. One weekend, J's mom helped me re-paint the nursery. The initial color I picked seemed kind of dark for the space so we left an accent wall in that color and painted the other 3 a much lighter shade. I know it's odd, but her helping paint the room that will, hopefully, someday hold our little one gave me such joy. It's great that J's parents are so supportive and his mom never even gave me grief when I told her about the "baby mojo" story. She just acted like it was perfectly normal, even though... I know it's not. Lol!
I've been seeing a counselor for a few weeks now and that has helped a lot in so many ways. I, honestly, can't even express how much it has helped me so far!
I'd better get going. I have another client to see. Say prayers for me today! I'll share feedback later...
Until Next Time...
This month makes 2 years of going through this process and I am beginning to lose hope. After last month, when I thought we did everything right and STILL no baby... I decided to go ahead and schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist. The appointment is later today.
I am feeling nervous, excited, hopeful, and yet I'm mentally preparing myself for another disappointment. I've heard tremendous things about the doctor we're going to see so I'm praying that he is able to provide some answers for us or at least give us some direction in this process.
To make things worse, I just left a client's home and there was a relative there who was obviously nearing the end of her pregnancy and she was toking away on her cigarette while I was there. It made me so annoyed and angry. Like... this person can get pregnant? But I can't?! Yeah... It's crazy to me how this world works sometimes.
Anyhow, J is coming with me to the appointment and I am very grateful that he is taking the time off of work to be there to provide some support and also seek some answers. One thing I am very thankful for, is that the nightmare of this "TTC journey" has not ruined us. There have been some stressful points, but, overall, we have really only become stronger as a result of this crap. So, that is something that gives me some faith and hope.
...In other news, J's parents have come down to help us with the house a couple of weekends last month. One weekend, J's mom helped me re-paint the nursery. The initial color I picked seemed kind of dark for the space so we left an accent wall in that color and painted the other 3 a much lighter shade. I know it's odd, but her helping paint the room that will, hopefully, someday hold our little one gave me such joy. It's great that J's parents are so supportive and his mom never even gave me grief when I told her about the "baby mojo" story. She just acted like it was perfectly normal, even though... I know it's not. Lol!
I've been seeing a counselor for a few weeks now and that has helped a lot in so many ways. I, honestly, can't even express how much it has helped me so far!
I'd better get going. I have another client to see. Say prayers for me today! I'll share feedback later...
Until Next Time...
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